SUBVERSION (n): the undermining of the power and authority of an established system or institution.

“…separated from our stories, we lose our identity” — Margaret Guenther

As I’m training to become a spiritual director and continuing to develop my work in theatre, my mind has been drawn back again and again to the idea of subversion. This journey started for me as I read Ibram X. Kendi’s STAMPED, a history of racism in America. As I’ve been introduced to more anti-racist resources and work, including Michelle Alexander’s THE NEW JIM CROW and the poetry of Audre Lorde, subversion continues to be a major theme.

In her book HOLY LISTENING, Margaret Guenther reflects on this idea of subversion in the teachings of christ; he subverted the religious expectations of “goodness” and “holiness” in the ancient world. The work of other spiritual teachers throughout history has also included this idea of subversive storytelling, teaching, and action.

As I’ve reflected on what I want to subvert within myself, within my writing and spiritual direction practice, and in my allyship/accompliceship with my Black friends, these are the things I want to divest from in all of these areas:

• Capitalism — the urge to consume, whether it’s economic resources, others’ time and energy, or the work that anti-racist educators do. These things show up inside me every day. I have a beautiful piece of art by Hallie Bateman in my home, and I read it aloud every time I see it: “I have enough. I am enough.” I want to divest from consumption in my own life, in my work, and as I train to become a spiritual director.

• Patriarchy — from the way I see my body to the power I give away to other people in positions of power over me. I want to divest from this force in my life and work, and I want to welcome in the Divine Feminine as part of my spiritual practice.

• White Supremacist Delusion — this is so pernicious and far-reaching, I don’t even know where to start. I’ve been working through Layla F. Saad’s ME AND WHITE SUPREMACY, and I can’t recommend the excruciating work of following the journal prompts enough. It’s changed my life and I’m only two weeks in.

• Productivity as Goodness — this is hard for many people, myself included, especially, I imagine, for Americans. Our values and self-worth are so tied up in what we can produce (another element of capitalism), and the question I want to ask myself daily is: “how can I divest from ‘productivity for productivity’s sake’ and engage in the world in a more reciprocal, balanced way?”

• Church — I know so many women who have deep, deep wounds from being churched. I don’t mean that the institution should be done away with; it is a great source of comfort and community for so many people. But I want to subvert the painful practices perpetuated by some sects of the institution. I want to find ways to help myself and other women heal from the damage done to them by (mostly) patriarchal systems within the church. White supremacist delusion and heteronormativity so often show up in a church context as well — more to be divested from, more to subvert.

Healing comes through telling our stories, and that’s my aim in all of the practices I’m building into my daily life.

I don’t have answers to how to accomplish these divestments — I only know that I want to be committed to the work of bringing more freedom into the world through my art and through my spiritual direction practice. I only know that I want to subvert all that is shrinking and destroying and pulling us away from one another so that we can all feel the sublime connection to the Whole, to the Collective.

What are your thoughts? What are some other areas that you want to subvert and divest from? Where do you want to invest your time and resources instead?